Lentil For Lunch

At about 2pm today, I was saved by a lentil. Actually, I was saved by a shitload of lentils flowing in sweet spoonfuls down my throat and into the meatless bottom of my stomach, never to be seen again. Sad thing is, I'm not even sure what a lentil is.

I texted that asshole, Mr. Internet who in turn called our mutual pal Wikipedia to tell me that a lentil is, "a bushy annual plant of the legume family, grown for its lens-shaped seeds." Apparently, lentils also, "have the third highest level of protein from any plant-based food after soybeans and hemp, and is an important part of the diet in many parts of the world, " which, now that I think about it, is probably why I didn't starve to death after I ate them. They are for the eating. Go figure.

Eating at home has become easier now that I have plenty of fruits to snack on and portabella mushrooms to grill, but I've officially run out of work lunch options. I don't even know what to look for. In the hood, that's what they call being "fucked+1."

It's time to ask for help. I think I'll let some of my co-workers in on the experiment and see if they can point me in the right direction. More likely, they will mock me as so many others have. And rightfully so. The life of a vegan is comedic theater, filled with awkward silences, skinny arms, pale skin, and frequent bowel movements.