What have I done?!

I've made a horrible, horrible error.

It took me about 10 seconds into the Key Foods to regret the entire thing. The vegan section was filled with vegan this and veggie that and as I saw my destiny, I fell to my knees and openly wept into the fresh produce. No one stopped to help me up. It was not the first time they'd seen a man brought down by hubris. So, I continued to weep, all the while wondering how my life could have gone so terribly wrong.

Vegans are stupid. Why would a person willingly do this to themselves? I asked my friend Mr. Internet, and he told me: "Health benefits are one of the primary reasons people become vegan... Abstaining from the consumption of animals products discourages the industry and shows your support for proper animal treatment...Last but not least are the religious reasons to become vegan. Many religious support healthy eating, including Seventh-Day Adventists, Buddhists, Jews, and Muslims." "Fair enough," I told Mr. Internet, "but why must there be so much pain." He looked at me and smiled. Then he whispered, "To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.” Mr. Internet is always right. It's part of the reason I hate him so much.

For around $70 I bought a crazy amount of vegan products, all of which look completely nasty save for some portabella mushrooms I'll be eating tonight. After that, there's no telling what'll come next....I'd wager death.